I’m in Rochester and I Have Million Dollar Idea

Posted on January 20, 2014

Million Dollar Idea #256 happened upon my brain en route to Rochester, MN. After flying the wrong direction (to Raleigh-Durham) and then flying back North and further NW and an hour and a half blustery snowing shuttle ride, I can’t believe I’m actually here! I’m in Rochester, Minnesota! Insert a photo of my head dancing on a cartoon body doing the jig right here. 

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I’m honestly a tad bored (the excitement begins tomorrow), so I’ll tell you Million Dollar Idea #256. Ready? It’s a gripping and uplifting reality show called ‘The Crippled Traveler’! I’d be the star of course (so long as I don’t have to listen to the sound of my own voice) (or see myself walk). Actually, it’d be me and a cast of travelers with varying degrees of crippling ailments. 

After ungracefully departing from one too many moving sidewalks at todays airports, it occurred to me that traveling is most definitely not for the faint of heart. Ever tried to navigate a cobblestone sidewalk with jelly ankles? 

And cue Million Dollar Idea #257: There will be challenges in each episode. Think of it as survival of the un-fittest. Each ailing cast member will be required to navigate an obstacle. Perhaps one episode could showcase a broken escalator, another episode will be waiting in line at customs. And of course, who can forget the most dramatic episode of the season… switching terminals during the world’s shortest layover! 

This doesn’t sound so uplifting, does it? Ok, so I need to work on it a bit. I know what would make it more uplifting… THESE!!! 

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When I was visiting my parents in Florida, I drove past them on the side of the road. They’re Segway’s for the beach! I’ve been fantasizing about them ever since. 

Another idea could be a grocery store scooter race! Besides sitting on the couch, riding the complimentary grocery store scooter is one of my favorite new past times. It’s even more fun when the store is crowded. Ok, so maybe I’m the only person having fun with it (Wifey has panic attacks when I run into aisles or over customers). One time I went to Target and the scooter battery died in the back corner of the store. That wasn’t fun. 

Regardless, we slow-pokes need to get out and experience the world. A hospital is not the most cultural experience, but an indigenous island 250 miles from the nearest hospital is. It can feel daunting at times. But seeing others like ourselves might prove incentivizing. When I wrote this, I was on a plane. And the recycled air was making my trachea feel like a straw. Actually it felt more like a coffee stirrer or a bucatini noodle. I’m now somewhere with a -11 degree high and I will be spending the next week or two in a hospital. But at least I’m going somewhere. And I’ve already learned a few things. 

Million Dollar Idea #258: Travel Tips. I want to give travel tips. Here’s today’s travel tip:

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Buy a suitcase that matches your durable medical equipment. Ok, maybe that’s not the best tip. But my purple cane/suitcase combo is making me happy. And it was on super clearance at TJ Maxx. Maybe that’s the tip… when your carry-on becomes a bit too hard to lug, buy one on wheels.

I couldn’t finish this blog post without mentioning that the Canadian Honker is right outside our hotel.

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(The hotel is on the left, Honker on the right)

AND

There’s Corn Hole in the hotel!

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So yeah, maybe it’s time to start prepping for all the medical appointments tomorrow… or I could go play in the arcade downstairs.

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