French Dip Au Jus: A Series of Unfortunate Incidents

Posted on February 6, 2014

Welcome to the fifth installment of Slow Liz’s 2014 Slow Cooker Challenge!

Recipe: FIVEheartHOME – Slow Cooker French Dip Au Jus

I have no idea how this French Dip Sandwich turned out as good as it did. But I’ll be totally honest with you. If I can’t mess it up, nobody can. NOBODY!

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When I woke up, I realize I had forgotten to buy beer. So I put my coat and boots on over my PJ’s and took a stroll to the bodega. I did my very best to hide the paper bagged beer from passers by, I felt like such a loser. A mid week morning beer run is a sad sight.

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To top that off, I used to be a smoker. And I used to regulate my smoking by illegally buying ‘Loosies’ (50 cent Newport Menthols) from this very same bodega. So when I purchased the beer, the clerk said he hadn’t seen me in a long time and asked if I was buying my loosies elsewhere. I told him I had quit smoking and he said that’s great. And then I handed him the beer. And then he seemed confused. So this leads me to my first tip:

Tip 1: Avoid morning beer runs.

Anyway, I got back home and got to work. The first item on my list was to get the roast into the crock pot without touching it (I won’t touch raw meat). So I’m gripping the meat through the paper it was wrapped in, when I realized that blood has leaked through the paper and is touching my skin. I freaked out and threw the slab into the crock pot. But I missed. And it bounced off the counter and landed on the rug.

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So I ran (sorta) to the cabinet to get some tongs. And when I turn back around, I discover Hanky making friends with the slab. After shooing Hanky with the tongs and picking it up, I find it coated in dog hair and other debris. I didn’t know if I could rinse it or if that was bad. So I set the meat on the counter and ran to Facebook to ask everyone I have ever met if I could rinse dog hair off the slab, or if I would have to skin it or something. I then started sticking other ingredients into the crock pot while waiting for a response.

Facebook eventually dinged telling me that yes, I can rinse meat. So the slab got rinsed and thrown into the crock pot. All of a sudden I smelled something (no not fire, thank god). I smelled ginger. And I realized that I had accidentally grabbed the jar of ginger… the ginger looks exactly like the jar of garlic. Fortunately I was able to fish most it out, replacing it with garlic.

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It’s now 10 in the morning and I’m exhausted and ready for bed. So I resort to my tried and true relaxation activity (Harry Potter movies) and fall asleep.

By mid-afternoon, I discover I should have stuck to the recipe. You see 3 pounds of beef looked massive (like a Fred Flintstone portion) so I bought a pound. Last week I had crock potted a pound of chicken and had leftovers for a week. So here’s another tip:

Tip 2: Beef shrinks. Stick to the recipe.

Anyway, evening arrives. Wifey comes home with a loaf of bread and two sweet potatoes from Korea (no, Wifey didn’t go to Korea… her coworker’s parents get Korean sweet potatoes). And somehow, she helps me turn this fiasco into the most delicious dinner.

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Also, when we were done eating, she said 5 shocking words to me…

“You’re becoming a good cook”

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